Tuesday, September 1, 2009


So world, this blog has been a month in the making. If you don't want to read angsty saddish stuff, I suggest you ignore this one.

If you've read my other posts, you may have come to the conclusion that I have a bit of an animal obsession. We'll just say it's a job hazard.

Thus far, I believe I have spoken about the cat, the bird(s), and the fish.

I also have a dog.

A month ago I had two dogs.

We got our dog Rusty from a breeder. And before ya'll start harassing me about getting dogs from breeders, I know. Given the choice I wouldn't have gone to a breeder, I would have rescued. But I was only thirteen or fourteen at the time, so it's not like I had much of a choice in the matter.

He was a hyper little monster. So, we decided to get him a friend to play with.

Enter Lili. For all of Rusty's friendliness, she was opposite.

Rusty was the dog who walked up to people and whored himself out for a few pats on the head.

Lili was the one who tried to bite their fingers off.

We didn't find out until later that the breeder's son had abused Lili, hence her aggression towards those of the male persuasion.

Needless to say, we weren't happy. My father wound up suing the breeder for her breeding practices (there was no proof that Lili was abused, other that the rumor on the streets and our own personal observations, so we went after her for something we had proof of), and won. She is no longer allowed to breed. A minor victory.

The two of them became my two best friends. Lili eventually got better with her social issues, and towards the end of her life she began to learn to accept.

I find myself at a loss of what to write at this part. How am I supposed to describe a being as inherently complex and deceivingly simple as a dog? I mean, ok. I realize it's a dog. I realize that this is not a person. This is an animal. I got that.

That doesn't make the loss any easier.

We were so focused on Rusty - he has a rare form of cancer that's localized on his snoot (snout...nose...facial protrusion...whatever it's called), and he has a different type of cancer on his paw. Both of them are localized, so they aren't spreading. Much.

We're paying out the nose for his treatment, naturally.

So we've been focused on him. We never imagined that Lili would have cancer as well.

She showed no signs. We're good pet owners - obsessive about our animals' health, so she just got X-rays of her chest last year (I forget why she needed them at the moment).

Somehow between last year and now she grew over twenty tumors inside her.

Over 80% of her lung was compromised. She started throwing up, and then coughing and wheezing. Within a day we had decided to put her to sleep.

Everyone seems to wonder why I don't seem saddened by this.

I find their concern interesting. Why should I be sad? Don't get me wrong, I do miss her. I'll always miss her.

On the other hand, had she continued to live then she would have been in agony.

One way or another everything dies. It was her time. It's sometimes difficult to accept this, but hey. Nobody ever said life was easy or fair.

I love ya Lili.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss... I don't think it matters that it's not human. They are part of your family, and you love them like they are... it makes losing them just as hard.


Because I'm needy.