Monday, July 11, 2011

Nyx's guide to a first date

So, my bloggie buddies Dom and Andres have recently done a joint post here, advising members of the male portion of our species on how to woo the ladiez. I read it, loved it, couldn't agree with them more on certain points.

I'm totally stealing their idea. If anyone has more experience in fumbling, awkward boys I dare them to come forth with their stories. Do you hear that ladies?


Nyx's guide to romance. Here you go, fumbling awkward boys. Enjoy. And even for you non-fumbling, non-awkward might be able to pick up a few pointers. I'm going to bitch a bit in here too, so be forewarned. know what I'm talking about.

We want the Bad Boy...

Yes. It's true. We want the bad boy, the guy who is the Jim Stark to our Judy. We don't want a boy that we're going to have to defend. We don't want to be the man in the relationship - it's up to you to be the man. And, let's face it - if you come off too nice, we're going to think that you're a wuss. That said, being a complete jackass isn't going to make our lady-parts swoon either. Just be you - be comfortable and secure in yourself.

Don't be a conversational whore

Ok boys. I know that you are more emotionally invested in your game of Magick the Gathering than more people are in their children. I realize that it's hard to focus on anything other than what sweet awesome attack you're going to totally pwn your opponent with, and I realize that you totally want to share the details of that attack with whoever you go out with. I have three words for you, compadre:

Don't. Do. It.

That's like...a total date killer. Especially if the girl isn't into it. And even if she is...the first date is about figuring out the other person's personality. Not about rambling on and on about your card game. Or sports. Or...insert hobby here. Seriously. You're on the date to meet us and vice versa. Don't make it all about you.

Personal Hygiene

...I had thought this went without saying, however a friend of mine recently informed me that she went on a date and her date had B.O.


Instant turn-off, boys. Please. Bath. Shower. Whatever. Just don't smell like that funk that's at the bottom of a garbage disposal. Also in line with personal hygiene: clean clothing is a must, hair (if you have it) is to be neatly groomed, never ever style the peach fuzz on your chin into a goatee, and please keep the neck-beard to a minimum. Also: certain men can wear scruff, and it's dead sexy. If you are not one of these men, please, for the LOVE OF GOD, don't attempt it. You'll wind up looking like a squirrel with mange.

Tip the waiter well

If you're paying, then please make sure you tip the waiter well. Nobody likes a cheap-ass, and yes - we are watching.


Seriously. Really? This has to be said?

Don't fucking patronize us, listen to us

We're talking to you because we value conversation and want to make sure you aren't a mental midget. You lose more and more points every time you oogle our cleavage. You also lose points for sounding like an arrogant ass, and treating us like we're inferior.

Personality's a must

Don't just sit there staring at us through dinner. Don't expect us to make up all the conversation. Don't expect us to do all the work.

Participate. Share your views, your ideas. Show us that winsome personality. Just don't make us feel like we're out to dinner with a tree stump.

Have some pride

You're a nice guy. You don't think you've committed any grievous errors in judgement on the date, and yet...she didn't call you back! But you really liked her!

Sometimes, it just doesn't work. Move on. There's someone out there who will dig you, but to find her you're going to have to work a bit. I know what it feels like to be emotionally crushed. Trust me - if she didn't call you back, it's not something bad - it's just that you two aren't compatible. Work on finding someone who you are compatible with - you're a great guy, after all, and you deserve to find someone who can make you happy.