Cockroaches.

So I was sitting here, reading the news, until I came across this little tidbit:

Man stuffs mouth with 16 cockroaches in record bid
Sun Oct 25, 12:37 pm ET

LANSING, Mich. – A Michigan pet store employee got himself a mouthful of cockroaches — on purpose. The Lansing State Journal reported Sean Murphy on Friday stuffed 16 Madagascar hissing cockroaches into his mouth. He was trying to set a new Guinness World Records mark and said the old record was 11.

Murphy initially got 12 squirming cockroaches into his mouth, but then kept adding them until he got to 16. He says it was a "big surprise" since he's never fit that many in his mouth before "in one try."

The employee of Preuss Pets in Lansing says each cockroach was at least 2 1/2 inches long. Murphy says he might try for 20 next year. A video of the feat was posted on the newspaper's Web site.

Murphy's effort would need to be certified by Guinness for it to be official.

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Information from: Lansing State Journal, http://www.lansingstatejournal.com

Thank you AP news, for that disgusting informative tidbit of news. War? Pft. Hunger and starvation? Ha! Who cares about that; there's a pet-store employee who can shove sixteen whole cockroaches in his mouth! Why do they even have this record in the first place....?

I hope the big boys over at the (mega million dollar chain) pet store I work at don't hear about this. I could see them whoring us out for a little free publicity. I had a rough enough time when I opened that box the other day from the janitor's closet....

You see, one of co-workers had asked me to go into the janitor's closet and grab her another box of bags. So I decided to be productive for once in my life, and help her out a little. I got the box, brought it up to the counters, opened it.

And tried to stifle the horrifying scream that wrenched its way up from the bowels of my heart.

Ok, it wasn't really a scream. More like a very small shriek.

That others happened to hear.

At least ten cockroaches crawled out from that box. TEN OF THEM. They crawled out and just kind of hung around. I swear the one winked at me as he cheekily twitched his antenna.

Fucking bugs.

I ran to go grab the nearest manager (Mario) and I forced him to inspect the box. Then I forced him to inspect the janitor's closet. I refuse to step foot in there alone ever again.

I can deal with the big cockroaches. Y'know. The giganto ones that everyone seems to be terrified of.

But the little ones? OH HELL NO. I felt like I had them crawling all over me for hours after opening the damned box.

Next time I go into that claustraphobic's nightmare of a closet, I'm making sure I give the little buggers plenty of time to scamper - away from me.