Thursday, November 26, 2009


Today is Thanksgiving. A day of joy, happiness, and above all, a day where we can all be thankful for what and who we have.

These words have never been truer.

Today my ex boyfriend called me. And today he informed me that his mother, a woman who I consider to be almost a second mother to myself, is dying. From stage four lung cancer. The doctors said that she had two days to two months to live.

He was crying to me on the phone. Somehow, a simple "I'm sorry" can't even begin to cover it - I sat there and listened as he told me about how he didn't know what he was going to do without her, about how much he loved her, about how he had to explain to his boss what had happened and how he's not quite sure how he's going to tell everyone else. I have never had to comfort anyone like this before.

I am speechless. Something so rudimentary as language cannot even begin to describe the overwhelming emotions I feel coursing through my body. She was there for me after we broke up - he was my first boyfriend and I was devastated when we broke up. She told me that I'd get over it, and she was right - I did. She brought me back to my religion, and helped me develop my moral compass. She's always been there for me, for almost six years now. She's seen me go through boyfriends, listened to my rantings about the injustices of the world, watched as I've become the person I am today.

What do I do?

I can't do anything. I'm still reeling from the death of my dog - arguably my best friend - a few days ago. And now this. This isn't something I can fight. This isn't something that I can win against.

This is cancer.

I will go and visit her tomorrow morning in the hospital. I'm not quite sure what is going to happen. She's pretty out of it, from what my ex has said.

For those of you out there that are religious, I ask of you one thing: please pray for her. If the Lord deems it necessary to take her from us now, then so be it. But a little prayer never hurt anyone. I'm sorry that my postings have been a bit sporadic lately, but I'm emotionally drained. What's worse is that everyday I have to paste on a happy face and act as if nothing is wrong.

Somehow, I think that doing that is going to be a bit more difficult tomorrow.


  1. Nyx,

    I'm putting my arms around you. I offered a prayer for your dear friend. I offered a prayer for the eternal rest of your beloved dog. And I offered a prayer for your aching heart.


  2. My dear young and and favorite Gen Y'er. Life is certainly showing you some painful times. It's what life does in between showing you some joyous times. Otherwise, how do we learn to appreciate life if we don't know the difference?

    Today you will visit someone who means a great deal to you and who is close to death, and you ask What Do I Do? You need not do a thing but be there to remind her of what she means to you. Trite as it seems at times like this, you already know she's headed for a better place. So go, hold her hand, and even if she seems "out of it" tell her how much you appreciate what she's done for you. Tell her what you just told us. Tell her that the world has been a better place with her in it. And do not assume she doesn't hear you.

    When you leave her, please know that We Endure. It's what we Do. It grows us and it makes us kinder and more loving and more wise. Do not feel helpless because your visit could be more comfort to her than you might know. It really is all right if all of this is not okay with you, nyx. It's a sign that you have a good heart.

    Many hugs to you, Young One. If I had a daughter I would want her to be just like you in her heart. Because the the world is a better place with YOU in it too, and one day you will know why.

    You just grew a wee tad older today, and that's not a bad thing. Still, I know it hurts and I am sorry for your pain.

    I not only will say a prayer for her, but one for you, because I know that learning to Endure never comes easy.

    Love, Aunt Uppity

  3. Nyx,

    That comment by Anonymous is from UW, who has a difficult time trying to post here. So she left the original for you in her Thanksgiving thread, Uppity Woman, on November 27th, 2009 at 7:10 AM. It's the last comment n the thread.

  4. Update!

    So, I went to visit her today. She, apparently, has both stage four lung and stage four liver cancer. The doctors are not hopeful. We pray anyways, and I'm taking it one day at a time. There's no point in wasting the little time I have left in mourning for a person who hasn't even died yet.

    Mary: Thankyou. Both for praying for her and for letting me know about UW's comment. I appreciate it more than you can know.

    UW: I already left a comment in your Thanksgiving thread, but I'll put it here too:

    Thankyou so very much. Her spirits are high, despite what she’s facing – she’s an amazing woman. She means the world to me, and countless others.

    Your comment made my day a little brighter, and I appreciate both it and you. Thankyou for offering a little bit of solace in my difficult time.

    Badass Geek: Thankyou.

  5. Oh Nyx, I'm so sorry. I'm sending my prayers and my love.


Because I'm needy.