I'm not normal.
I've come to grips with this simple fact over the years. Due to events in my past, I've created walls between myself and other people, and I've developed a type of sixth sense as to why they do what they do. It's one of the main reasons why I found anthropology so fascinating.
I've also created personas for myself. I've been the brainiac, the ditz, the bookworm. I've been the ego-whore and the bohemian. The nerd and the sports fanatic. I am all of these and more, none overtaking the other, a veritable melting pot of crazy.
I remember when I was little, my grandfather used to sit me on his knee. He would tell me stories - stories about what it was like in the war, or about growing up in the Depression (apparently his mother made him bathe in the sink - she used the bathtub to make gin. See, it's inherited). Or, he'd just tell me about my mother and her sisters, and the hell they put him and Grandmom through. I remember that he always used to smell like pipe-smoke.
We had a lot of laughs, Grandpa and I.
I see myself in him. Or maybe I should say that I see him in me? I'm an interesting mix of my mother's sensibilities and my fathers absentmindedness. Late for everything, contrite about nothing, I don't know if my personality is inherited or was the result of freak chance.
I could do a post about nature v. nurture, but I'll be nice and abstain. I don't want this to be a lecture.
Who am I? I've grappled with this question for a while now. When I was with Ex 1 and Ex 2, I changed my personality to fit theirs. I pretended to be something I wasn't - I will never do that again. I did a pretty good job of remaining myself with Ex 3, but I never really fully opened up.
I have to work on that, and learn to stop hiding behind all my glass walls.
And so, World, you get to see the real me.
My name is Sara. I am 25 years old. I don't see the point in The Jersey Shore, but I am a total sucker for Bridezillas. I work in a pet store. Because of, or perhaps in spite of, my job I have an obsession with animals.
Seriously. Ask me anything about them. Odds are I know the answer. I'm a freak like that.
My favorite color is green. I also have a fascination with birds - always have, ever since I was a little girl. I used to like to picture myself flying (ok, I'll be honest - I still daydream about it sometimes). My favorite flower is honeysuckle - because when I was little we had a really large bush that would be covered by it every summer. I used to hide in there. It was like my secret hideaway, my place to go and hide from the world and live in fantasy.
That and I think they're pretty tasty.
I had more male friends than girl friends growing up. I still get along with boys better, even though I'll be damned if I understand them.
I adore reading. Literature is something I'm fascinated with. It - all at once - provides both an escape and a peek into another person's mind. And sometimes, if it's a really good book? It gives you a peek into your own mind.
Skeletons. I'm obsessed with them.
All of this and more are the itty bitty factors that make up me.
And y'know...I kind of like it. And I think I've come to the point where I'm ok with that.