The Ramblings of a Swine Flu patient

Tonight's post is kind of just a mish-mash of stuff that's going around in my head at the moment. It's not really anything important, or especially hilarious. But I feel like writing, and my co-worker Pumpkin has been harassing me to update because her fiancee Twinkles needed story-time. He's probably wondering why I'm calling him Twinkles. It's because he's just so the opposite of everything the name Twinkles implies. So here I am, updating ya'll on what's going on with me at the moment.

So, I totally stole this from Cape Cod Gal's blog, Diamond in the Rough. It was so amusing to me, I just *had* to share. You're welcome.





Cock Shot from Invisible Engine on Vimeo.

Oh yes. The Cock Shot. Personally, I enjoy using my knee or foot, but think of the implications of this?

Got arthritis? No worries! Cock Shot has your back.

So, Beth over at The Confused Homemaker gave me my first ever award! Ok, she really gave it to me weeks a few days ago, and I'm just getting around to putting it up in its place of honor now, but ehhh....things happen. THANKYOU BETH! Rest assured, my inner media-whore is doing absolute somersaults.

So part of getting the award is having the fun of giving it to someone else. So, for the (untitled and unscripted but still freaking fantastic) award shown above, I'm going to give it to...(drum roll, anyone?)....

Aunt Becky from over at Mommy Wants Vodka. Because honestly, she makes me roll on the ground and clutch my sides in a desperate effort not to crack a rib from laughter whenever I read her blog.

Ah. Anyways. As some of you may know by now, I'm sick. Swine-flu sick, to be precise. I don't have a positive test yet (it apparently takes forever and a day to get the test results back), but this is not the case of a hypochondriac pretending to be sick to get out of work (no matter what you say Pumpkin).

Oh no. I wish it were the case. As it stands now I've probably managed to deforest an entire continent of trees with my tissue usage. I have a smoker's cough. I don't smoke. I'm vomiting and praying to the porcelain god toilet, and breathing has become a *bit* of an issue. I'm also being snappy with everyone because of the headache I've had for the last...four days. And did I mention the fever/chills? It's one hell of a good time kiddies! First, y'see, you get your temperature up to 103. Then, within an hour, it'll drop to 96. Doesn't that sound fun!? I feel shaken, not stirred.


I hardly ever get sick. Oh well...go big or go home, right? Heh. I'm chugging orange juice by the gallons, and sleeping far more than I should be (I'm giving the cat and my arthritic dog a run for their money).

Hopefully this thing will end soon and I'll be able to go back to hating my job plotting world domination delightfully assisting those in need of customer service. And I know Pookie will be relieved that I'm going to eventually stop bitching to him. Because, when I'm sick?

Yea. I make everyone around me miserable. I don't intentionally do it. It just kind of happens. Mostly. Sort of. Ok, fine, I know damn well what I'm doing. I have no remorse over it though, because when I'm sick I turn into a raging bitch. I'll probably feel bad later. Y'know, when I'm back to normal.

Well...as normal as I get.

Tuck (my one bird...see here for the full story) has figured out that if he sticks his little birdie head under the door that's above his food cups he can open the cage.

Great. Ash (the other budgie) knows how to open the big door (I tie that one shut). Guess I'll be fastening all the doors of the cage...*sigh* silly me for thinking that they wouldn't figure out the other ones.

It's ok. If he keeps doing it I'll just feed him to Rusty.